Tonight my parents sat me down to talk because they are concerned about me. They said they know I’ve been breaking out in weird rashes on my hands from stress, and I’ve been getting sick a lot lately and sleeping all the time. They know where this stress is coming from. My dad saw my nose ring… (finally stopped holding my breath)….. and they found my Twitter account (which is all about Valeria) and know that I am seeing a girl. Living a double life has been stressing me out, and that’s why I’m having so many health issues. I need to break things off with the girl, quit my job, stop seeing my therapist and start going to Christian Family Counseling, and possibly take some time off of school to sort my life out. Aren’t I relieved they know!?
NO, not at all. I’m terrified. Do I quit my job and withdraw from the semester to go to stay at home and read the Bible and pray all day? I’ll come back to the same conclusion- I am queer, and God loves me. If I quit my job, I’ll be completely dependent on them. What are they going to do if I don’t quit? I have money saved up, so I can just move out and have money to pay rent monthly, but the car is still under their name. How long until they report it stolen? Can I stay where I am, use the pre-payed rent, find a job here and use public transportation until I save enough to buy a car? If I choose to live life the way I want to, I’m going to lose everything: family, shelter, car, phone, and the security that comes with knowing that they can rescue me in an emergency. Not to mention, they pay the medical bills, and for my medicine. If I turn away from them, I’ll have to quit taking anti-depressants, and I won’t have my therapist to remind me that I’m capable of survival. If I choose to do what they want me to do, how long will I have to give up all independence? How long will I have to rely on them for absolutely EVERYTHING?
What am I going to do?